Tomorrow!

I do not know what is coming tomorrow; I am just trying to pursue my way through a series of corridors and stairs I keep walking up and down. Sometimes I am afraid to be trapped among a huge labyrinth .I feel that I am in a remote cage, I want to fly back to my country but I cannot, I do not have my document .yes I am tired and exhausted physically and psychologically. Every time I call my family, I pretend that I am fine which makes me feel worse once I finish my call. I feel alone facing the unknown.


I waited for long to come here ,it was my dream I still can remember the first glimpse of London through the window of the plane and how my heart was beating fast and my mind was wondering if I would find myself here. It was exactly the same feeling when I did my acceptance exam and interview at my faculty, I studied hard not because I wanted to be distinguished but because I wanted to feel satisfied and to be happy. When I graduated I was not planning to work at my faculty, my friend sent me a newspaper in which my faculty announced that there were available jobs in all departments. So I applied and I had to wait for their decision which was made in the higher education committee in Tripoli our capital ,but I did not wait I worked as a volunteer in my faculty for one year, although I was also working a full time job as a community pharmacist. I did not feel tired because I loved this place in every detail and because there was someone who taught us how to be loyal for this faculty, someone who devoted himself for it. He was always among us. He was our dean who studied his undergraduate and postgraduate studies here in UK at Nottingham University.

I remember that day when we were accepted officially as teaching assistants my heart jumped out my chest with happiness I was sitting with my friend singing when we received a call and I saw the world in bright colours. Then a new question echoed in my mind what is more !.I waited almost for two years because we did not have postgraduate study at my department .eventually I awarded a scholarship to study a broad and all the family wanted me to go to Egypt because my mother’s family would support me there and they could come to see me more easily but I refused despite everything,I always chose the hard way.

Time went fast and our dean retired but he is like fish that cannot live out the sea. He had a stroke after a while, just the day before that he came and entered every office as he was saying goodbye. When I heard that he was in the hospital, I was shocked, I went to visit him but I could not see him, It was hard to bear to see him helpless then I had to travel to come here and my heart does not stop praying for him.

I do not know why I am writing all this ,may be because I cannot speak ,I have to be silent and the only thing I can do to write, I know that everything will not be the same as before, even me ,I have already changed and the time has its own fingerprint on everything.

It was a voyage of self-discovery, I intended to discover a new world to learn more but when we feel alone we start to look backward and revise every moment we have lived and we become more introspective .I discovered that ambition does not always bring happiness instead it brings dissatisfaction about anything (what is more!).Many people live a very simple life but they are happy because they are satisfied with what they have. Happiness can bring everything. I discovered that when I was saying congratulation to my friend on the phone as tomorrow her wedding day, she said to me ‘you are better there in UK studying and building your future’ when I finished the call I started to cry ,my tears were as a waterfall, what a sarcastic life that nobody feels satisfied.

Tomorrow is a new page in my life, the page that I sometimes wish not to be turned; Tomorrow will come if I am here or not. I feel like a wounded sparrow that flies despite the pain and hovers highly toward the sun until......................until...........................................until...Tomorrow!